Beautiful Handcrafted Animals

Okay, maybe not me, personally. But back when the Will Smith movie, “I Am Legend” was in theaters, it was a not-uncommon occurrence to spot a theater marquee that abbreviated the title to the much less awe-inspiring, “I’m Legend”.

I found it funny, and now there you have it.

I watched the movie last night, while getting some work done (while Jessy was curled up in a ball with the same upper respiratory infection I had two weeks ago) and I think I have to agree with what most reviewers had to say.

Decent movie, shitty ending.

I’m going to spoil the ending, spoil both endings (the DVD has a “controversial alternate ending” which I didn’t find that “controversial”, to be honest). Be warned.

Here, there be spoilers:

In the “theatrical” ending, Neville (Smith) hands off the cure and basically suicides and we see the woman (I forget her name — she didn’t make much of an impression) driving to Vermont. She has the cure, and it’s supposed to be a cool ending. Nope.

In the “alternate” ending, Neville (Smith) releases the “cured” “vampire” to the other “vampires” and the next scene shows him and the woman driving to Vermont. The implication is that the “vampires” are learning to think, are evolving, and he doesn’t feel he has to “cure” them anymore.

Woooo.

Neither ending is very good. Additionally, neither ending (neither version of the movie, come to that) has fuck-all to do with the title, “I Am Legend”.

Have you read the book? You should. It’s bleeding awesome. I will now spoil the ending of the book for you:

Here there be spoilers:

Neville, who has been living in New York City and hunting the vampires (no more quotes as it’s expressly stated that vampires is what they are) for three years, is captured by means of a ruse. The nameless woman (she has a name, but I’m lazy and not looking it up) is actually a vampire, and she gets his confidence and is able to effect a trap.

However, in trapping him, seducing him, whatever you want to call it, she finds herself . . . maybe not attracted to him, but certainly impressed. So she comes to the cell where Neville is hiding and gives him a potion he can drink which will kill him in a rather painless fashion. This is to escape the violent death the vampires have in store for him.

See, in the three years he’s been hunting them, the vampires have been evolving (as in the movie). They’re getting smarter. Not all of them, but some of them. They’re building a society. And they’ve blanketed the planet. Neville looks out the window to his cell and he sees a virtual ocean of them clamoring for a glimpse at Robert Neville.

The monster.

See, while he’s been doing his best to survive and strike out at them, they’ve been living in terrified fear of him. Robert Neville has become the new boogieman. He’s a creature. He’s a monster.

He’s become a thing of legend.

And that’s the end of the book. He realizes, looking out at them (they are awed into silence as he comes to the window, I believe) that they are the world now and he is a thing of myth and wonder.

I am legend.

Boom.

That is an ending. Imagine that. Imagine Will Smith coming to in a cell high above a courtyard filled with a writhing throng of “vampires”. He looks out on them and he understands that they aren’t the monsters — he is.

Hey, at the very least, it would have some connection with the name. At least the Vincent Price (The Last Man on Earth) and Charlton Heston (The Omega Man) versions had the decency to change the flipping name. “I Am Legend”

Not by half, bucko.

Still, up to the ending, it’s a pretty cool movie. Shame they had to chicken out and go all Hollywood in lieu of a superior and actually thought-provoking ending.

But what can you do, right?

Christ on a stick, it’s been a rotten month.  Busy as hell at the “day job”, and it seems like every mouth-breathing fool with my cell phone can’t help but call up and stammer in confusion.

It’s  been a rough month.

And I’ve been really, really bad about posting.  See, nothing to post about, no writing, and basically nothing but days and days spent alternating between firing off emails and hours on the phone.

And my hands-free is busted, so I’m actually (shudder) talking using the phone itself.

Hold me.

I don’t know that there’s an “end” in sight for this ridiculous business.  My office (the downtown office) was under construction for a month and I figured that would be a good opportunity to catch up.  Get some writing done.  Maybe get to the gym in the morning and stuff.

Nope.

Every day, literally every day, I would get off to my computer and find insanity waiting in my Inbox.  Every day, literally, every day, I would find 3, 5, 10 messages waiting on my cell phone.

Don’t ask me, man.  Maybe it’s something in the water.

We’re doing jobs in Montreal, Toronto, Chicago, Georgia.  Out of nowhere.  We’ve had weeks where we were doing 200, 300, even 400 person projects.

Out of nowhere.  Literally.  Phone call on Wednesday for Friday out of nowhere.  Phone call on Thursday for Thursday NIGHT out of nowhere.

Also, I got an awesome upper respiratory infection.  My doctor told me, “try not to talk for a couple days.”

So, of course, I spent the next two days SOLID on the phone.

Argh.

I don’t think it’s over.  Nosirre.  I don’t even think I’m going to get a break.  But I can’t wait for that to happen — it could be months or more before the wolves retreat to the hills and let me be for a drop.

So, here we go.

The plan is to give a quick read on the presently-existing First Draft.  Minor notes, mark it up but don’t fix it sort of thing.  Then I’ll get started on the Second Draft.  This is a much slower process, and may take many months (or longer, or shorter, depending on how hard the rest of the world starts kicking my ass).

I will update this space as we go.  Or as we don’t go.  People should feel free to harass me and/or make fun of me as we go along.  No posts?  Smack in the head.  Time, she is a wasting.

So, here we go (again).