Beautiful Handcrafted Animals

Shouldn’t be any spoilers here, though I can’t promise someone won’t actually use the Comments feature down there to be a dick. Up here, though, it’s safe.

I had a couple thoughts, in no particular order.

(1) I re-read the last 250 pages or so last night. Wasn’t feeling well and it seemed a nice thing to do and it was. A reservation or two about the penultimate chapter have now been put to rest. I dig this book very much, and a lot of the things I thought were great, continue to be great.

(2) I’ve been trolling a few different forums’ discussions on the topic of Deathly Hallows and I have to say, aside from the morons who exist only to ruin everyone else’s fun, most folks with a poor reaction to the book seem to be having said reaction because the final tale did not match their expectations. Which is to say, they thought X, Y and Z were going to happen and since it didn’t, they are ticked off.

It’s interesting attempting to reason with these folks. Some of them want resolution to some of their favorite characters’ storylines, and don’t get that the storylines are there, resolved or not. They’re there waiting for you to sit back on a long car ride or a rainy day (or a sunny day at the beach — wherever, really) and wonder about. This is a good thing, a very good thing indeed.

(3) This is gonna be a hell of a movie to film. Wow.

(4) A lot of folks, based on their posts, didn’t really understand the implications of a lot of things that took place in this book. Again, no spoilers or anything, but I kind of get the impression that some folks are just blowing through, waiting for the words, “and then xxxxxx died,” and not actually reading what takes place between the deaths.

The conclusion to this story was not simple. It’s not so complicated that an attentive reader can’t get it, and if you’re reading the actual words on the page, Rowling spells it out pretty straight for you.

There are deeper implications to the actions in the last few chapters in the book, though. It’s here that some folks just seem lost in the wild. What’s strange, here too, is that it seems pretty well spelled out for folks . . . maybe they’re ignoring it because, like I said up top, it’s not what they wanted it to be?

Definitely a strange phenomenon. It is kind of amusing, though, to see someone rail, incorrectly, against something that’s plainly stated and then have someone point it out to them.

Read it for yourself, though. There’s an in-depth plot-summary over on Wikipedia, but ruining a fine book and the close to an incredible story with that kind of Cliff’s Notes version . . . blech.

Done!

Blew through it in about 7 hours today (I wanted to get through it before someone could spoil it for me — mission accomplished).

Now the rough part is nobody else I know has read it . . . so I can’t talk about it with anyone.

/grumble

So, I was downtown today and I popped into Subway to pick up a sandwich. It’s a block from my office, and they do a pretty decent job, and the six-inch turkey is the one I usually get.

Hey, it’s good for you, which is to say it’s less bad for you than most of the rest of the stuff you can get in Midtown.

Look at me justifying my lunch — let’s move on, shall we?

To give you an idea of the Subway I was in, it’s a long, thin restaurant. You go all the way to the back and then head back towards the door (you order in the back, then pay at the front). A couple years back an Indian family bought the place and everyone working there, is either a friend or a relative.

Some of them are not-so-much on the speaking of the English.

Anyway, I went in there about one in the afternoon, prime-time for the lunch crowd. I get in line and am pretty much lost in my own thoughts, waiting, when I realize the guy about three people up is making a ruckus.

He was trying to order his sandwich but couldn’t seem to work it out. He was trying to order by number, like if you go to your favorite deli and order, “the Number Six.”

Only he wasn’t ordering the Number Six — he was ordering the Number Two-Eighty.

I missed the beginning, but I expect it started our rather simply. Along the lines, of “could I have a two-eighty on wheat.” I’m pretty sure I’d have noticed if he was screaming from the get-go.

But, oh boy, was he screaming now. It was, honestly, a drop scary. He kept repeating himself, louder and louder, adding more and more obscenities (as if that was going to help).

“Two-eighty! I want a two-eighty!”

“Speak fucking English — give me a two-eighty!”

“God-fucking-dammit! GIVE ME A FUCKING TWO-EIGHTY!”

We all backed away from this character, giving him some space. I have to admit, it was confusing as hell, at first. Where was he getting this number from? Yeah, there are “meals”, but they number one through six. There’s no meal two-eighty.

The manager comes over and this guy keeps on screaming. His face is all red now and beads of sweat are dripping down his forehead.

The manager doesn’t even try to find out what’s wrong. He skips that and goes straight for, “sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

“I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING WITHOUT MY SANDWICH.”

“Sir,”

“IT’S NOT MY FAULT SHE DOESN’T FUCKING SPEAK ENGLISH! JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING TWO-EIGHTY!”

There’s a moment there, and we were all completely captivated in it, where the manager stops, thinks a moment, seems to look around, and tells the man, “one moment, please.”

He says something to the girl behind the counter — who looks absolutely terrified — then seems to repeat himself. Her eyes narrow and she turns away, throws together a quick sandwich and hands it to the manager.

“Here you go, sir.”

The dude goes up to the counter, slams the sandwich down and — I am totally not making this up — the girl at the register says, “what do you have, sir?”

It’s an automatic response. It’s like when you’re going to the movies, or getting on a plane, and the person taking your ticket says, “enjoy the movie,” or, “have a nice flight.” What do you say? Right, you say, without thinking, “thanks, you too.” They’re not watching the movie, or taking the flight, but you say it anyway.

The dude’s left eye twitches. Once. Very softly, almost too softly to hear, he starts to say, “I have a two-eighty.” He got about to the “two” when the manager says something quickly to the girl at the register, who rings up up, takes his money, gives him his change, and sends him off.

We all just stood there, nobody talking, nobody ordering. It was like it hadn’t really happened.  Like the whole world had stopped for this moment of insanity and it wasn’t starting back up again.

Then one of the workers asks someone what they want and just like that, boom, we all click back into reality. Folks talk about what a nut-ball the guy was, how they thought the cops were going to have to come, etc., etc.

Me? I’m there on line all alone, waiting to order. I still can’t figure out where this, “two-eighty” stuff was from, so I look up at the menu, posted behind the counter.

Sure enough, there it is, right next to the turkey sandwich I was about to order, clear as day, the number, 280.

Right under the column marked, CALORIES.

Sony’s lowering the price of their 60 GB PS3, discontinuing the worthless 20 GB PS3 and introducing a new, 80 GB PS3.

In case you have no context for this (I had to look it up), the 60 GB model is presently $599.00 and will drop down to $499.00.

The 80 GB model will debut at $599.00.  So it’s not really a price drop in the way they need it.  Folks who can spend five-hundred bucks on a video game system won’t balk, in my opinion, at spending six-hundred bucks to have the “better” version.

Here’s an interesting bit, though.  Allegedly, the 80 GB version is going to do reverse-compatibility for old games (read: PS2 games) through software only, as opposed to the present 20 GB and 60 GB systems that do it through hardware and software.  This is, I believe, now the non-North American version do it (software only).  To be perfectly honest, I don’t have a bead on whether this is a good thing or a bad thing — but it seems an interesting change to make.

Personally, I have no use for a PS3.  Yes, a cheap Blu-Ray player would be nice, but my purchase of such a device would only seek to ensure the failure of that media.  I’d considered a HD DVD player about a month ago (Best Buy had a good Toshiba model for <$300.00) but really, what it comes down to is just fighting the urge to re-purchase all my favorites in a new format.

No thanks.

I also look at how the X-Box 360 and even the Wii just sit there, unused (the Wii more because of how the living room is set up, but that’s not really the point).  Another system is just another system to buy stuff for.  Bluntly, I’ve got enough options as is.

I do find it interesting, though, tracking this stuff (click on the link to Dubious Quality over there on the right, for much, much better information.  Bill’s Console Post of the Week is required reading if you’re armchair-quarterbacking this latest entry in the Console Wars), and I keep waiting for that move Sony can make, that killer move, to suddenly turn things around.

I can’t imagine what that move could be, of course.  Right now, if the PS3 was $199.00, I don’t know if I’d buy one.  That’s a very bad sign for your uber-console, as I’m exactly the person they’re hawking these things for.

Final note: our esteemed Webmaster, who I believe would like me to call him, “Spidey” when I refer to him, told me he was waiting on a PS3 for the latest Final Fantasy game.  When I told him that the next FF game was coming out for the 360, his response was, “oh, good, that’s six-hundred bucks in my pocket.”

That’s a bad sign for Sony, if you ask me.

So far this weekend, we’ve watched Transformers and 1408. Live Free or Die Hard is still on the list, along with a couple other pictures.

What’d we think of the ones we saw? Well, Transformers was pretty much exactly what you’d expect it to be; giant robots beat the crap out of each other. Jess and I seem to agree that the last 40 minutes or so — what’s supposed to be the most exciting part of the whole show — was pretty unsatisfying. There are better, smaller fight scenes earlier in the movie. Still, for the price of a movie ticket, you get to see giant robots fighting. Shia LeBouf is pretty fucking amazing, too (especially given the limitations of the script he’s handed).  And there’s nothing at all wrong with Megan Fox on a sixty-foot screen.

1408?

Oddly, we had the same problem. When the movie is small, it’s great and creepy. Weird, odd things keep happening to John Cusack’s character and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying the hell out of myself. About 2/3 of the way through, though, it’s like they threw the switch that said, AMERICAN MOVIE AUDIENCES ARE DUMB, MAKE IT BIGGER, LOUDER AND MESSIER.

In my humble opinion, they would have been better served keeping it small.

1408 was pretty creepy, though. And I raced home to re-read the original short story. I’m pleased to report that (a) good, bad or indifferent, the short-story is right where I left it, so the movie can’t hurt that. And, (b) even with going “too big” at the end, I still walked out fairly creeped out. Can’t complain too much about that, then, I suppose.

Jess didn’t think much of it, but the temperature in the theater felt like about fifty degrees, so we agreed she probably wasn’t as into it as I was. First time I haven’t brought a jacket with us in two months and it’s the only time she needed it. So it goes, eh?

Oh, I’m not actually reviewing either of these movies, but for whatever it’s worth, each is, in their own right, worth the price of admission. Neither will shake the foundations of Heaven and Earth, but as they basically deliver exactly what they promise, I don’t see how you can complain too much.

Still, here I am, waiting for a movie to come along and blow me away. Been a while, hasn’t it? Be a nice treat, wouldn’t it be?

Last night was thunderstorms AND fireworks, so Jack the Dog was basically shaking non-stop for about 10 hours straight.  Which means I got even less sleep than usual . . . and now we have a kitty we’re babysitting for the weekend.

Hi!

I’ve been at a loss for how to start this blog off, so I figured a little anecdote about sleep-deprivation and pets would do the trick.  I could have talked about the book, or the old blog (www.ohbalto.com), or the fact that Chris, our “webmaster” is working on a cool template around here.   I could have explained why the insanely long web-address actually makes a lot of sense . . . I figured I’d go with pets.

The old blog (see above) was kind of a curious, mixed affair.  Ostensibly, it was about a book I was writing, “Beautiful Handcrafted Animals”.  In practice, it was a place for me to bitch about having no goddamned idea how to write a novel (in spite of having done it several times before).

So, this is a reboot.  It’ll be about the writing of the book, as well as daily word-counts, when appropriate.  It’ll also have links and pictures (things Wordpress seems to think it does well.  Only time will tell) and I’ll probably go off every now and again about nothing at all.

Who am I?  Well, I’m 34 years old and I’ve been writing, recreationally, professionally, what-have-you-ish-ly, for the better part of twenty years now.  Maybe more.  “Beautiful Handcrafted Animals”, which I’ll stop putting in quotes after this post, is a book I’ve written now . . . three times.  Maybe four?

It all gets confusing.

I’ve restarted it again.  I used to say that BHA was going to be my “grad school”.  Which is to say, “why pay to take classes in writing when I could just spend the time writing?”  So that’s what I did.  I wrote the book once, start to finish, in about a year or so.  Came out to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 110,000 words, give or take.

I got it done, read it back and realized that the beginning of the book didn’t match the ending.  Which is to say, the book I was wrote wasn’t the book I was writing.

Learning experience — okie dokie.

So I started it up again.  Well, “started it up” isn’t really fair.  What I did was prop up the “First Draft” and set to rewriting it.  It got a lot better, really came together tonally, but then something became obvious; the book I wanted was different from the book I had.

Okay, back to the drawing board.  Should I explain?  Okay, I’ll explain: originally, it was a quest narrative.  Main Character A finds himself in Plot Situation B and heads off to make things right.  Collect 5 McGuffins and seek happy ending.  That there was a twist in there (about the only thing, aside from character names that remains) didn’t make the quest narrative alright.

Believe it or not, the quest is still in there.  Sort of.  But where before it was the excuse for the story, now it’s an element of the story.  I’m working it into things in a way that I think is pretty cool.  How cool?  Imagine a quest narrative where you don’t need to see the freaking quest.

Neat, huh?

So, that’s what you’re doing here.  I’ll update, at the very least, whenever the book jumps forward.  Back in the day, I used the old blog as a way of keeping myself honest.  You might see a post like this, “1,236 words tonight — going to bed.”  And then the next day, you’d get, “deleted last night’s words, wrote more, bed.”

And sometimes I’d go on and on just like this.

So, pull up a chair and let’s see if we can’t keep me honest once again.  Right now we’re around page 6 or 7, something like 3,000 words in.  I know where I want to go and how I want to get there.  All I have to do now is figure out everything else.