Beautiful Handcrafted Animals

Jessy and I went to see the new Stephen King / Frank Darabont film, The Mist tonight. We went to see it at the Cross County Multiplex in Yonkers.

That’s the last time we’ll make that mistake.

So, how good is The Mist? It’s good enough that we could manage to work through all of the following and still enjoy the movie. Please note that we are persnickety bastards and not the sort of people who overlook stuff like:

• Somewhere between three and SEVEN crying babies. All with the same family. Said, “babies” seemed to have ranged in age from sperm to about age five, but ALL of them were noisey and ALL of them kept it going the whole goddamned movie, except for when the manager came in after several folks complained. When that happened, our best guess is the mothers either muzzled their kids or half-smothered them on their enormous bosoms (these were not small ladies).
• A fistfight, started when one gentleman asked the group of mothers (by the way, this was a gorey-as-hell R-rated monster movie that started around 7:30 at night — fine fair for infants) to please quiet their children down. Yes, a fistfight started over this, and passed within inches of my face. Both men were removed by security BUT THE MOTHERS AND THEIR KIDS STAYED BEHIND TO FINISH THE MOVIE.
• The woman in front of Jessy and one seat over keeping her Bluetooth headset connected. If you are not familiar with this technology, such contraptions have a blinding blue light which blink about every other second.
• The guy in front of me, in addition to having ants in his pants, wearing a baseball cap. His specialty seemed to be figuring out where I was sitting and moving to cap to that exact location.
• The theater failing to turn the lights all the way off.
• Popcorn. Never mind that the popcorn is usually sub-par at this theater, we like popcorn with our movies. I went out to the concessions area fully thirty minutes before the film was supposed to start to pick up some popcorn and a drink. Thirty minutes later I had moved exactly three feet. And every other line was as bad, if not worse.

So, with screaming babies, blinking blue lights, the house-lights on, no popcorn, a baseball cap blocking my view AND a fistfight in the middle of the movie, we still enjoyed the hell out of the actual picture.

I really can’t think of any better way to review it than that.

Go see it.

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